I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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