yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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