I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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