just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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