The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
