Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
