Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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