OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
