nut hugger
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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