i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
