I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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