I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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