I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
