You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
