im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
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I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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