Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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