Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I currently don't understand fingers.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
