peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
