He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
