He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
