I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
