when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
