my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize