It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My feet surprised me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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