My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
