So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
