you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
