Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
