I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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