so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
