I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You took a bar mat shot.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
