Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have feelings that need drinking.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
