i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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