oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
