I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
