If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
