Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
