my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
