I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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