i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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