i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
