Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
