Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
