if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hippo gnu deer
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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