I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She's the barista slut.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
