also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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