dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
