Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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