So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
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I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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