babies were throwing up all over the place
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm at about main and main street
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
