I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
