Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
