Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize