3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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