dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
