i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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