break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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