wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
