Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have demons in me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
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We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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