I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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