So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
