cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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