At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
