At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
