I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
