watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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